336 days. Blog terminated.

Remembering with ♥ my Mum and giving ♥ to my family and friends ♥

I would like to start and finish this final blog post by saying thank you to all those unknown readers who have indulged my often random ramblings dressed up as a ‘training’ blog. I am officially out of the fundraising and training zone and am contemplating buying a new pair of running trainers (I threw mine away once my last race was over), but that would mean leaving the comfort of my sofa and being reminded that healthy food and healthy living, whilst rewarding, are not compatible with my default settings.  It will always be a struggle to not love junk and to be active.

I started out with good intentions: clear, well organised and fully illustrated personal insight of how I became a successful runner for the dual purposes of raising £ for charity and healing my grieving heart. Parking the visionary ‘successful’ and ‘healing’ goals for a moment, the facts are this: I did train for months (and it was hard, especially in the depths of winter); I did complete a half marathon; I did raise £1335 for Rowcroft Hospice, but my blog was an epic fail. I suffered from commitment issues and as I read it back it seemingly meanders through a somewhat patchy training schedule, attempts to stretch and do the splits (WTF – I must have been out of my mind) and did not describe the maelstrom of emotions as my races came and went.  I was an emotional wreck. That should have been the best bit! I can only apologise.

So now my lacking as a blogger has been acknowledged, back to the vision. Let us deal with my success as a runner first of all. Where to start really?  Do you want to read how Claudia left me a panting and red-faced blubbering shambles at our 5km Race for Life?  She comfortably chatted to her friend as they ambled along the course in monsoon conditions – British summertime at its best – whilst sympathetically giving me a cursory shout back: ‘Come on Mum, you can do it’ and a huge (slightly embarrassed) hug at the finishing line as I dissolved? Or perhaps how I ran the Torbay Half Marathon in 2 hours 22 minutes, which was slower than when I was pregnant? Maybe, coming last - yes last - out of 1800 participants in the Rowcroft Sleepwalk will be enough to illustrate that whilst physically my body was ready, my state of mind just wasn’t. It is hard to maintain a vision when you are emotionally exhausted, but I did try...and I will try again; a full marathon next time.

Remembering with ♥ Sarah; my dear friend ♥

It is self evident then to assume that my success or lack of, as an (elite, ha!) runner, would directly correlate to not much healing of my fragile and shattered self? People seem to only want to talk about grief when you are ‘through it’ or ‘over it’, but that is not a reality for some and I can never see a point when I will not feel the aching agony of my Mum’s absence in my life.  Although I found running for the purpose of raising £ for charity left this private pain excruciating exposed; in doing so running has become part of my grief and so is part of who I now am. Physically running has kept me healthy and strong and made me feel a far more balanced person. The support I received when training from my family, friends and colleagues made me feel better about myself and gave me a more positive outlook on life. It is for those reasons that I want to share in this final blog with you my love of running and once again, a huge, slightly teary, thank you.

Final thoughts: technically, the Rowcroft Sleepwalk was not a race and I was pushing a buggy with Jack in it and accompanied by a heavily pregnant best friend, Suze.  We also stopped off for chips on the sea front  :)

Team Jackie ♥

My No 1 fans ♥

What's on my iPod?

Music-motivation-mega-mix track BEST EVER: Chris Rea - Road to Hell. Thank you Palm FM for playing that as we all began to line up for the Torbay Half Marathon.

http://www.rowcrofthospice.org.uk/

This time, it's personal...

In the current issue of ‘Runner's World’ magazine there's a very short piece on a woman athlete who ran a marathon while she was 8 months pregnant with her son. Now her son is a teenager and is preparing to run alongside his Mum in an upcoming 26.2 mile race.

Wow!

If you have ever run a marathon, half marathon or 10k even then you will understand the magnitude of her endeavour and if you are a parent, you will know what an emotional race it will be for the pair of them to run once again. So, why mention this on my blog?

I do not claim to have the fitness levels to even come close to that of a professional athlete, but I too ran a marathon when I was pregnant, albeit a 1/2 marathon while I was 4 months pregnant -  I still I did it  and in a respectable 2 hours and 16 minutes :) During the last 2 miles I felt like I was going to give up, but the little boy I was running in memory of and my bump kept me going, as did my Mum and daughter cheering me on in the crowd.

When I ran this race, my first ½ marathon, I had no idea that my Mum would die of cancer 4 years later. I similarly had no idea that I would run a ½ marathon in her memory and that her loss would inspire me to begin training for a full marathon when I felt at my most fragile.

People keep saying, ‘I could never run a marathon!’

I think, couldn’t you, though? If there was a chance it would help your Mum, or your child, wouldn’t you? I believe anyone could. I believe anyone would.

I believe anyone who has ever loved and lost would know the agony of being so tired that you can’t even raise a smile. Of feeling like every step you take strips your mind and body of the last reserves you have. And I believe that anyone who has loved and lost would also know, when you crossed that finish line, probably sobbing, exactly what you are capable of surviving. You’d know that their memory, their life was worth it. Everyone has darkness, but during that race it will be their light, love and laughter that will get you through the bitter pain.

It’s true of all endurance races, but no less true for life.

What I learnt from that first emotional 1/2 and what I will take forward to my next is that strength does not come from physical capacity, but from pure will. My will comes in the form of my 4 year old ½ marathon bump who will be cheering me on with my daughter. My Auntie Patsy too, who will be running side by side with me; facing our fears together. My Mum also will  once again be running for the whole 13.1 miles with me.

This week I know that I WILL hit my golden 10 mile distance!!

Jill and Auntie Patsy (Duquette Diva No.4) - Team Jackie 1 month and 3 days to the Torbay Half Marathon! What's on my iPod? Music-motivation-mega-mix track for today: Justice - Civilization http://www.torbayhalfmarathon.co.uk/ http://www.rowcrofthospice.org.uk/

Out run by a minature sausage dog...

...is perhaps an apt indication of my athletic prowess after my 3 week injury hiatus; so much for muscle memory L I am not quite back to being a ‘huffer and puffer’, but after enduring a muscle-sapping, lung-bursting, short but fast run, including 10 reps. of interval hill starts, in what felt like blistering heat (18 degrees – OK not exactly desert iron-man conditions, but still...), I regretted not embracing my physio’s advice to power walk until I could run again. In my defence, power walking always looks silly – FACT.

Although the landscape around Frome is dotted with tors, peaks and braes, so I don’t have much choice but to try and master the art of hill running, ‘bounding’ hill training needs to become a regular fixture in my training schedule – once a week. For the uninitiated (myself included), ‘bounding’ hill running, according to my physio’s training plan, involves: ‘springing from foot to foot with an exaggerated vertical body motion, bringing your knees up high and stretching the Achilles tendons fully as your feet hit the ground’. To do this I must land on my toes with each foot-strike and rock back onto my heel before springing upwards and forwards again. After 5 reps. of this I began to see the dignity in power walking :/

From now on though, I need to combine regular running with strength training. Hill running should not only improve my overall running form, but hep to strengthen my weak ankle tendons and ligaments, thus reducing the risk of future injury.

My heel-heavy running technique (or plodding) is likely to be a hard habit to break and I need to work on landing on my ‘mid foot’ and not ‘heel striking’ slowly but steadily to avoid stiff calf muscles. I wouldn’t say that my run today amounted to the start of overtraining syndrome, but 'slowly' and 'steadily' are virtues I find hard to master. I am sure that you can guess the rest? Yes, very stiff calf muscles!

The need for anti-inflammatory medication aside, it is great to be back running again and especially now spring is here. You can’t beat running in April, when the sun shines hot and the wind blows cold:  when it is summer in the light, and winter in the shade. Thank you Charles Dickens.

The 'rag-doll' post run look!

The 'roll-in-horse-poo-that-was-too-easy' post run look!

2 months and 12 days to the Torbay Half Marathon!

What's on my iPod?

Music-motivation-mega-mix track for today: Kylie - Can't Get You Out Of My Head (See you on Saturday night, Ms Minogue!)

http://www.torbayhalfmarathon.co.uk/

http://www.rowcrofthospice.org.uk/

Spot the difference?

Red Uakari primate?                       My post 7.5 mile face?

If only my body were as perfectly engineered and symmetrical as da Vinci 'Vitruvian Man'. In reality, mine, like everyone's is off balance and very imperfect. It would seem that few adults run ‘naturally’ and most of us have at least one bad habit interfering with our running.  As a result of this lack of perfection and my heel-heavy running technique, I am loathed to write that: I am injured :(

It irks somewhat that I became injured during a renewed vigour for training in which I managed a 2 mile session of ½ mile sprints and a 7.5 mile run @ a 9 min/mile pace.  It would seem that to mix the ‘training harder’ with my flaws to physical form has accentuated a weak spot - my ankle - which has triggered P-A-I-N

I am resting my ankle for this week and during that time have made two appointments @ Team Bath’s ‘Human Performance Centre ‘. The first with a sports physiotherapist and the second with a sports analysis, who I hope can help me with my running and stretching techniques.

Who would have thought that putting one foot in front of the other would be so difficult?

Running ☆★✡✯ : SAS - Are You Tough Enough? Check out my friend, Neil, and his Herculean Bath Half Marathon carrying a 30kg rucksack to raise money for the 'Global Angels Foundation'; championing children's causes, providing sustainable solutions and making the world a kinder place.
http://www.globalangels.org/fundraiser/3peaksthehardway/

1. Training note to self (repeat x 2): I must stretch more.

     - the hamstring has stopped twinging.
- the ankle is screaming!

4. Training note to self: Take care of myself.
- Successful running is about the 'totality' of my fitness: physical, mental, emotional.

     - Small changes can make a big difference.

What's on my iPod?

Music-motivation-mega-mix track for today: The Stone Roses - Love Spreads

http://www.rowcrofthospice.org.uk/

http://www.torbayhalfmarathon.co.uk/

Peaks and troughs...

...it is normal to have highs and lows in training, but I still find it hard to accept the lows - especially after only six weeks back training; my recent slump has seen six days of no trainer action. Running takes time and my fitness is not coming easily. I need to work on my patience, commitment, persistence and determination to be able to run a 1/2 marathon in under two hours. I need to take action:


1. HARD TALK. Zip up my (wo)mansuit. Tell my legs to 'shut up'. Kick myself and just get on with it.


2. TREAT MYSELF: SHOP. Buy myself a new pair of black Nike leggings that I have been eyeing up. As I always say, 'fashion is a super-power' and I am sure that leggings and a new pair of trainers will make me feel better out on those roads. Running solo at this time of year can dampen even the strongest of spirits. 


3. REMIND MYSELF OF MY REASON TO RUN. I love seeing the charity fundraising pages popping up all over Facebook for a variety of pain inducing events. For the record, I am not a sadist but I do enjoy  seeing people suffer for their cause! The summer 2011 'Race for Life' series, in aid of Cancer Research, are truly inspirational; seeing so many friends embracing the idea of running for loved ones who are ill or in memory of those who have died restores my faith in humanity.


I promise that before I post again I will have pulled through my 'low' and my actions will have been actioned. The fitness guilt is gnawing and the world always seems a better place after a run.

‘They can because they think they can’ (Virgil)

Today has been rotten: monotonous, heavy and exhausting. It is the six month anniversary of my Mum’s death and tonight I ran to overcome; mind vs. body.

The past ten days has seen my training move from ‘weekend warrior’, but not yet through to ‘hardcore runner’. Tonight though I ran my longest distance yet, 7 miles@ a 10 min/mile pace.

The biggest achievement was not that I ran 7 miles, but that I ran at all. Running is always mental freedom, but tonight it took far more from me emotionally to get out of the door and run that first mile, heart burning and bleary with tears, than it did physically to push through my 5 mile wall and belligerent right hamstring.


Getting out there today confirmed to me that running is the one of the greatest metaphors for life, because you get out what you put in. I run not just to deal with grief, but also for love and for peace of mind. Could I give more? Yes, of course! Hardcore running is in the post...I am a little scared! :)

 Running ☆★✡✯ : My daughter, Claudia who ran the first 1/2 mile tonight with me. ((((())))

Merciless stretch 1 – hamstrings and quadriceps

Stretching out my hamstrings and quadriceps, which have taken a fearful shortening over years of on/off running (and wearing high-heels) is hell, but so necessary to prevent injury and to help with the tin-man effect in the morning! I find I need more endurance for the 30 minutes of stretching post run than I do for the actual training.

3 months and 16 days to go until the Torbay Half Marathon 

1. Training note to self (repeat): I must stretch more.

     - the hamstring is still twinging.

- hold each stretch for 30 seconds

- do not stretch to the point of pain

3. Training note to self: Sort out your nutrition.

     - Monster Munch, Pot Noodles and pizza do not make for fuel.

- More oily fish, complex 'brown' carbs and drink more water

What's on my iPod?

Music-motivation-mega-mix track for today: Aretha Franklin - Pride

As I was struggling with the final mile, I noticed that I was running into a beautiful sunset. Thank you my precious Mum, I miss you so much.

http://www.torbayhalfmarathon.co.uk/

http://www.rowcrofthospice.org.uk/

Physical pain is just weakness leaving the body...

No, I am not training to be a Royal Marine Commando, but there must be a whole lot of 'weakness' leaving through my hips and lower abdominals today! Sensory nerve trauma aside, I am still off out for a 5 mile run tommorrow, off-road though as I need a little less impact on my legs and joints. I don't fancy a double hip replacement anytime soon; mobility aids are so hard to accessorise :) 

Winter is still here, but the cold wind and rain did not stop me from my run. A beautiful rainbow greeted me as I opened my front door to go.

Running ✩ ✪ ✫ ✬ ✭: My son, Jack for telling me that, 'Nanny Jack is a star in the sky and goes on holiday to the end of the rainbow'. ((((()))))

The hardest step for a runner to take is out of the front door...

....and it would appear that the hardest post for a blogger to write is the first; what do I write and where do I start? :) Somewhere, anywhere - here goes:


I have been running (kidding myself that I was training) on-and-off for the past 5 months, predominately 'off'. For the past 2 weeks though, the cold, rain and lack of sunlight appear to be receding and my running mojo has returned. The added incentive coming in the form of a text from my ever-focused Auntie Patsy (the running terminator) who told me that she ran a 10 mile distance today at a 10 minute/mile pace! Although stoked and immensely proud of her commitment to the fitness, the prospect of her enjoying her post-race Mars bar whilst I choke around the 10 mile mark and limp over the finish line of the Torbay Half Marathon (19 June 2011) has made me 'step into the hurt box'. From today I am committed to a 7 mile, 5 mile and 3 mile run each week for the next 2 weeks and to build steadily from there. Running hard is not for softies! :) 

3 months and 30 days to go until the Torbay Half Marathon 

1. Training note to self: I must stretch more.

     - the hamstring is twinging.

2. Training note to self: I must train more.

     - I want to run 13 miles in less than 2 hours.

What's on my iPod?

Music-motivation-mega-mix track for today: Usher - More

Torbay Half Marathon 2011

Rowcroft Hospice