Remembering with ♥ my Mum and giving ♥ to my family and friends ♥
I would like to start and finish this final blog post by saying thank you to all those unknown readers who have indulged my often random ramblings dressed up as a ‘training’ blog. I am officially out of the fundraising and training zone and am contemplating buying a new pair of running trainers (I threw mine away once my last race was over), but that would mean leaving the comfort of my sofa and being reminded that healthy food and healthy living, whilst rewarding, are not compatible with my default settings. It will always be a struggle to not love junk and to be active.
I started out with good intentions: clear, well organised and fully illustrated personal insight of how I became a successful runner for the dual purposes of raising £ for charity and healing my grieving heart. Parking the visionary ‘successful’ and ‘healing’ goals for a moment, the facts are this: I did train for months (and it was hard, especially in the depths of winter); I did complete a half marathon; I did raise £1335 for Rowcroft Hospice, but my blog was an epic fail. I suffered from commitment issues and as I read it back it seemingly meanders through a somewhat patchy training schedule, attempts to stretch and do the splits (WTF – I must have been out of my mind) and did not describe the maelstrom of emotions as my races came and went. I was an emotional wreck. That should have been the best bit! I can only apologise.
So now my lacking as a blogger has been acknowledged, back to the vision. Let us deal with my success as a runner first of all. Where to start really? Do you want to read how Claudia left me a panting and red-faced blubbering shambles at our 5km Race for Life? She comfortably chatted to her friend as they ambled along the course in monsoon conditions – British summertime at its best – whilst sympathetically giving me a cursory shout back: ‘Come on Mum, you can do it’ and a huge (slightly embarrassed) hug at the finishing line as I dissolved? Or perhaps how I ran the Torbay Half Marathon in 2 hours 22 minutes, which was slower than when I was pregnant? Maybe, coming last - yes last - out of 1800 participants in the Rowcroft Sleepwalk will be enough to illustrate that whilst physically my body was ready, my state of mind just wasn’t. It is hard to maintain a vision when you are emotionally exhausted, but I did try...and I will try again; a full marathon next time.
Remembering with ♥ Sarah; my dear friend ♥
It is self evident then to assume that my success or lack of, as an (elite, ha!) runner, would directly correlate to not much healing of my fragile and shattered self? People seem to only want to talk about grief when you are ‘through it’ or ‘over it’, but that is not a reality for some and I can never see a point when I will not feel the aching agony of my Mum’s absence in my life. Although I found running for the purpose of raising £ for charity left this private pain excruciating exposed; in doing so running has become part of my grief and so is part of who I now am. Physically running has kept me healthy and strong and made me feel a far more balanced person. The support I received when training from my family, friends and colleagues made me feel better about myself and gave me a more positive outlook on life. It is for those reasons that I want to share in this final blog with you my love of running and once again, a huge, slightly teary, thank you.
Final thoughts: technically, the Rowcroft Sleepwalk was not a race and I was pushing a buggy with Jack in it and accompanied by a heavily pregnant best friend, Suze. We also stopped off for chips on the sea front :)
Team Jackie ♥
What's on my iPod?
Music-motivation-mega-mix track BEST EVER: Chris Rea - Road to Hell. Thank you Palm FM for playing that as we all began to line up for the Torbay Half Marathon.
